wants

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." - Hellen Keller.

Need more epiphanies. Want more enthusiasm. Pray for inspiration. Perhaps if I start writing my morning pages again, epiphanies and action will follow suit, hand in hand. Write write write every morning, write my own complaints down about me until my red typo journal is filled with multicoloured ink. And something happens. Because you can't sit there every morning telling yourself how you'd rather your life was different, without eventually taking steps to make it different.

But let me tell you why I want more epiphanies and action. The older I get the shorter I can stay at Mum & Dad's before the feelings of stagnancy and ennui start to resurface. Trapped in a paradise here. Caged in a small piece of heaven. I know I'm not captive here, yet part of me wants to escape. Is it foolish I want to run away, and make a few more mistakes? I want to cry a bit more. Shout a bit more. Laugh too much. Love too much. I want blood and tears. Sun in my eyes. Sand in my hair. Stretch and strain and doubt-inspired action.

The future seems such a terrifyingly huge place. I don't know where I want to go, who I want to go with, who I want to become. I don't know yet. I want to take some risks. Exploration. Trepidation. Anticipation. But today we are crouching and waiting. Tightly crammed into this perfect world where incubation feels like suffocation. Want to crack through the eggshell of this sanctuary and find the wide open weathered sky to breathe in again.

You too, huh? You too?